i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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