I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
