I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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