Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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