Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
40s are totally the cure
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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