Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
