At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
