Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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