So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
