I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
porn star boner night. come get it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
