There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
