forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
