But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
