How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
