May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
