I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My ass is underappreciated
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
