I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
