we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
