end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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