careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Two words: nipple clamps
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