You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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