Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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