I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
