she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
