Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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