Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
