After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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