You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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