Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
