at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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