so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
PANTIES FOUND
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
