just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
