On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
