Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
