now i know why i became what i already was.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
