currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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