I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
