i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
