i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
