I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
