watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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