ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
