Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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