I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
