He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
