Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
