is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
