I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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