no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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