Me too!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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