Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your penis caused this!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
