It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
