Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
