He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
