I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This house was built for laser tag.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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