i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
