Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
