There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
